1.

subdued rain blowing

whispers through the topmost leaves,

trickles down to earth

2

Hearing the water

behind you knowing where you

are at the sea shore...

Both these ku have merits and similar problems.  I like the images in #1. I'm put off by the awkwardness of #2.  The phrasing is clumsy perhaps because the ku has been levered into the 5-7-5 pattern and I can't let that capital letter go unnoticed.    In that #1 is more closely involved with nature, it trickles to the next round.

3

joints cracking

old roof winces in

winter blizzard

4

silver splintered sky

deep blackness punctuated

June moon slanted low

When I read the first line of #1 I thought, "aha a poem I can relate to". Nice work with that momentary puzzle.  I'm not certain about "wincing roofs" but I'll let that go for the moment.  In #2 we not only have silver

splintered sky but to continue the alliteration, we also have stuffed syllables.  Keep working on this one it has potential.  In the mean time #3 goes on.

5

ancient lilac

reveals it's wardrobe

beauty in old age.

6

Morning too quiet

blood droplets on my carpet

death now bares my face

Oh grim and gruesome...blood droplets and death.  This strikes me as more gothic than haiku.  I'll stick with the beauty of ancient lilac for the next round.

7

hot sun burns my skin

hard labor hardens my form

sleep in field tonight

8

Post-it clutter of

Felt-tip scribbled torn papers

Yellow autumn leaves

Oh me, oh my, too much my, my for a form that traditionally avoids such absorption in the personality of the author as in #7 not to mention a rather ruthless cramming of syllables. #8 is marred by the capital letters but it contains a clever use of modern artifacts, post-it stickers and the felt tip, blended with a traditional form of  poetry.   Let's go with #8 for the moment.

9

warm water swirls

her waist long hair pours into

the kitchen sink

10

In vibrant color,

Rising from the desert floor-

A mountain mirage.

In this comparison I chose content over form in selecting #10.  Despite the capitals letters, this ku is a comment on a natural event...well more nature natural than hair swirling into a sink.  #9 does have something to offer if it could be rearranged.  #10 to the fore.

11

Night's end.

Silence in the meadow,

fills the land

12

Caught in the rain

Bird on fence

We make eye contact

 

Chop!  Chop! both ku appear to have been fashioned on a verbal chopping block.  Ku #11 for some reason contains capitals and un-necessary punctuation. Ku #12 is swamped with capitals and truncated phrases.  Although neither of them captures my imagination I am drawn to the possible mystery suggested in #11 so it goes ahead.

13

hot air

buzzing in oaks

dog days

14

slipping

under silver moonlight

carp shadows

Now we have something.  Look at #13....short.. brief.. intriguing.  This has the quality known by early haiku writers as hosomi, i.e. which refers to the use of short, simple and understated language.  It falls in my category of keeping it simple, otherwise known as KISS in some circles.  (keep it simple, stupid)  I get a very definite lazy feeling from the ku.  On the other hand #14 has an elegance that appeals to me. Carp shadows is a good image to complement the first two lines.  I like the way #14 flows to respond to the water image suggested.  For that reason I choose it over the more abrupt dog days.

15

Fireflies

bob in twilight

among willows

16

Diamond chips of ice

worn, yet sparkling branches

winter is engaged.

 

#15 has the disadvantage of reminding me of other ku I've considered. Fireflies, to my mind, are a cliché.  The fact that both ku contain capital letters cancels any advantage of one ku over the other in that respect.  But

look at #16.  Read it and consider.  Although the use of verbs as an end are discouraged I'm willing to stretch the issue in this case.  Did you catch the play on the meaning of the final word, engaged?  One meaning follows the general image of diamond rings and engagements but another valid meaning has to do with engaging as in contacting.  I like the subtlety here and the brilliant use, excuse the pun, of the disparate images.  Ku #16 goes ahead.

SECOND ROUND

1.

subdued rain blowing

whispers through the topmost leaves,

trickles down to earth

3

joints cracking

old roof winces in

winter blizzard

 

Here we have a case of too many syllables in #1 and not enough in #3.  Both ku would have been much better with some judicious editing.  You'll notice #1 is numerically proper with syllables regardless of how superficial some of them are. Ku #3 would have been a bit smoother with the occasional use of an article, i.e. a, an or the.  I would guess that one of the poets is more experienced in haiku than the other. My theory is that poets less experienced with haiku tend to stick to the 5-7-5 formula whereby those more experienced take the risk with syllables.  So let's follow where the images take us.  In #1 the journey is a damp one from sky to earth and well done it is.  Ku #3 is more immediate.  We deal with creaking from some source to discover that it is a

roof in a winter blizzard.  Both ku use personifications, in one the rain whispers and in the other the roof winces.  I am selecting #3 on the basis of its more economic use of words.

5

ancient lilac

reveals it's wardrobe

beauty in old age.

8

Post-it clutter of

Felt-tip scribbled torn papers

Yellow autumn leaves

I'm in a dilemma over these two ku.  Verse #5 is crisp and "slender" as traditionalist would say.  But the mystery or puzzle so desired by haiku unfortunately remains so with me in this case.  Granted I misread the ku the first few times by not pausing after wardrobe.  Pausing after wardrobe then places more emphasis on that phrase and on that single word.  Wardrobe to me conceals the meaning which is to say it is a poor choice for the ku.  Ku #8 is very proper even with the suspicion of syllable stuffing and the capital letters but it is well balanced with two distinct parts.  I vote for #8.

10

In vibrant color,

Rising from the desert floor-

A mountain mirage.

11

Night's end.

Silence in the meadow,

fills the land

Capital letters seem to be very much in use in this set.  What we have here is the reliance of separate senses to present the image, i.e. vision vs. hearing.   Read #11 again and you can almost feel the silence settling

across the land.  I like that invitation to engage my imagination.  There is an appealing serenity to #11.  It goes to the next round.

14

slipping

under silver moonlight

carp shadows

16

Diamond chips of ice

worn, yet sparkling branches

winter is engaged.

If you look back over this set you'll perhaps agree with me that it has been a challenge to judge; these two ku being a case in point.  Consider the two on the basis of elegance.  Ku #14 is quiet, subdued, subtle.  Even the

smoothness of the "s" alliteration is subdued.  I was tempted to say delicacy but decided that was too much.  That capital "D" in #16  is distracting.  This ku obviously has sparkle more than elegance but it also has some very interesting use of language.  I noted one above on writer's use of engaged.  Now look again at what has been done with "worn".  Here again the poet has squeezed in two uses.  Worn as in old and smooth and worn

as in an item of jewelry.  Ku #14 it goes to you and your subtlety.  Good show to both of you.

THIRD ROUND

3

joints cracking

old roof winces in

winter blizzard

8

Post-it clutter of

Felt-tip scribbled torn papers

Yellow autumn leaves

I wish that old roof had sagged instead of winced.  I wish yellow had been omitted from autumn leaves but then my task would have been even more difficult.  Given that it presents a more vivid image I go with #8.

11

Night's end.

Silence in the meadow,

fills the land

14

slipping

under silver moonlight

carp shadows

In the end and not Night's end, it is the form of #11 that does it in.  The capitals and punctuation were the deciding factors against this ku.  I'm very drawn to the image of silence in the meadow seeping out over the land but then #14 also has a mysterious image and wins the round.

FOURTH ROUND

8

Post-it clutter of

Felt-tip scribbled torn papers

Yellow autumn leaves

14

slipping

under silver moonlight

carp shadows

I think the writer of #8 is very good.  Spot on with the syllables...good image perhaps a bit over done but not bad for some one in what I perceive as the beginning stages of haiku.  The more I read and think about #14 the more I like it.  Well done and take the prize, whatever it is.  

THE WINNER IS:

            Debi Bender

 

Let's hear more from all of you.