Grey skies, cold nights.

Arguments, unnecessary fights.

Hitting, cussing, slapping, kicks.

Being called a whore, a slut, a bitch.

Don't they realize what they're doing to me?

Of course they don't, all they see,

Is a stupid, defenseless, vulnerable bitch.

Maybe they should take a look at my wrists.

Then they would see the damage they've done.

Don't you get it? I'm hurt, I'm broken, you've won.

Is your goal to completely destroy,

My self-esteem, I'm not your fucking toy.

You've successfully killed my confidence.

The risks involved you didn't sense.

You don't give a shit that every night,

I fucking cut myself with a kitchen knife.

When writing a suicide note, the last thing I'd do,

I realized I had no one to write to.

So I blew it off, who'd care if I died?

I'm just another f#cking suicide.

RAIN                                                                                                                                                  There's a wild wind outside                                         Darkness and pouring rain                                                 I wanna hide by someone's side                                           To lessen my growing pain                                             Endless night, hardly ever seen day                                        It seems I could never break this invisible chain. *                                                                  

RED STAINED ROAD

Donny Tresohlavy

Standing on a roof so high

Flowing wind and blood red sky

Fear of death has left my mind

Happiness we'll never find

I close my eyes and see your face

Reminds me of my greatest shame

You rejected a good friend

Now I know the pain

And I'll make it end

Anyway I can

Looking at the concrete ground

Hordes of people form a crowd

But they don't know the pain I feel

I wonder if their concerns are real

No one ever cared for me

So why would you think I'd believe

That you cared about my pain

You don't know my fight

But I'm gonna leave my stain

In the street tonight

Secrets In A Home

Crying silently as I sit in my bed,

All alone in the house where secrets aren’t said.

I grip my pillow tight with fear,

As I see car lights slowly appear.

The door opens and mommy comes in,

With a bruise on her arm and a scratch on her chin.

Daddy slams the door, I see anger in his eye,

I know he’s been drinking, I hear mommy cry.

I quickly lay down in my bed,

And pulled the thin covers up to my head.

I try not to cry with all of my might,

So maybe I’ll get just one whipping tonight.

I hear daddy footsteps coming near,

I silently pray as I hold back the tears.

The door opens and daddy comes in,

My breath starts to stagger, this is where it begins.

I lied there for a while too scared to move,

Maybe this time he will leave the room.

Minutes passed and I thought he was gone.

I turned my head to look but I was wrong.

He comes towards my bed and I hear mommy’s cries,

I made the mistake of opening my eyes.

He throws off the covers and drags me out of bed,

I feel the hard blows on the back of my head.

He shouts harsh words with my arm in his clutch,

He says I’m the reason that he suffers so much.

He tells me he hates me, that I’m a disgrace,

I hear myself cry as his hand slaps my face.

He slaps and hits me some more,

I get my arm free and run to the door.

I can’t run fast enough and I trip and fall,

Daddy picks me up and throws me against the wall.

It hurts so much, please don’t let there be more!

I scream and I cry as I lay numb on the floor.

“I’m sorry,” I scream, but pleading doesn’t work,

He continues to hit me and yell hateful words.

I scream out in pain, blood running down my back,

But now I can’t see, everything is black.

I faintly hear mommy scream my name,

I wanted to tell her it was okay, I don’t feel anymore pain.

I try to say, “I promise I’ll be better and I’m sorry I’m so ugly!”                                       

And maybe daddy would love me and still want to hug me.

But I can’t speak a word or no longer breathe,

My short life has ended, tonight my daddy killed me.

DIRT CHEAP REALITY

we drown in pools of dreams

attempting to return unscathed

from nightmares disguised as reality

a present that is dirty-unbathed

with frequent trips to insanity

all the fellows on the block asking me

"when is the end?" "what is the government

up to?" And I just turn away

Lead astray by my own ambitions

They can't seem to see the pain's inhibitions

A man's restriction to speak-

yet I still speak

to a whole body of individuals

just like Richard Pryor

with a foul mouth

I speak sometimes with peace as my theme

blasted by critics that seek my end

twenty-one

and drained

without a friend

drowning in a pool of dreams

who in their right mind

can persuade me to believe

I'm freed?

Pressure Cooker
The Turtle

Flowin Full Throttle

Comin apart at the seams

Tried to crawl in a bottle,

It poured my insecurities down my throat

Now i watch the scene,

And it shows me my flaws

A reflection of hate and despise

From all th eyes on me

The air getting thin

My blood boils in my brain

Everyday reliving my pain to the world

Open sores on my soul

Built these walls for my sanity

Lock myself away for my safety

Bar the door never leaving again

Private prison is my comfort zone

Keys to mental locks melted into bullets

Self influenced misery is all i know

A grin and a smile hide the truth

Former self murdered by the new me

Still too blind to see the light

So here I lay beneath the ruins of my life

Beaten, tortured, and scarred

Kept down by shortcomings I create

Strife has been a good friend since birth

Inside Out

 Jillian        

"You're fake" they all say

she's calm outside

the guys push her away

she's calm outside

little do they

that at home

at night

she lets go inside her head

and weeps w/ all her might

she's still calm outside

"Look at how happy she is" they all say

she hurts inside

"She must be like this everyday"

she hurts inside

little do they know

its all for show

in the morning

in her bed

she tells herself to get up inside her head

so she gets up adorning

drab old clothes

she hurts inside

but she's still calm outside

GUILT

Sylvan Gates

Shadows of known source seep into

darkness without want of sight.

Leading my paralyzed mind

thru decaying aisles of life.

Thought without conscious reason

punished by never ending pain.

Existing with perils perceived

pray for the peace of the inane.

"Nay! Even That crutch denied"

How then do I survive the fear.

The existence without life,

for all these horrible years.

Consumed by the shadows

as my blind misery unfolds.

I will breach the light of day

my horrid story never told.

A prayer for the darkness,

this guilty mind to conceal.

Can I survive another

and say nothing that is real.

YOUR PET

Mattie Wilson

Into the cage for all to see

You force-fed me humility

An internal scab you picked away

So it bled and bled every single day

But I'm the mistake your forced to hide

To look at you straight-faced and lie

I've got no place to call my home

Nor a father to call my own

It's not my fault, but you say it is

I'll just rot away into a million pieces

Festering with hate, my mental disease

Has taken over but the joke's on me

I'll sleep all day and cry all night

Just paralyze me so I won't put up a fight

But my blood will stain your hands

And put you into a Satanic trance

You'll eat your own flesh and want to die

But you'll be guided by my blood-shot eyes

A reason to keep me on your leash

Will eventually kill your reason to be

EXPOSURE

Chewing open a brand new wound

Eyes will stare when you leave the room

Your defenses have been torn down

mental wall no longer surrounds

Brick by brick

Your wall goes down

Fill up on water; let yourself drown

Emotions attack like lions on the prey

In this room you will not stay

Why stay in a room where the air's so thick you had to break it up

With one of your bricks

You then fall into yourself again

Was it fun to be exposed for all to see?

Was you mind telling me?

Was it fun having your pride destroyed?

Was it fun to be society's toy?

In the Mind's Eye

When I close my eyes

I enter a world I know too well,

A world full of torture and unending pain.

I am bound to this place

by my father's hand

and the emotional turmoil

I will never be set free from.

It will always be there

baiting me to remember

the horrors of my childhood yet again.

The cuts and bruises

burned scars into my flesh and soul.

The days spent trying to get away

and the nights spent at my father's hand.

Beating me, touching me, raping me,

letting me slowly die inside

without even a second thought.

The girl who once was innocent

became a pawn in his game

of wrath and destruction.

Shame pierces my body

like a newly sharpened knife.

Shame from what he did,

shame from not stopping him.

I can see the helplessness and fear

in my little one's eyes,

I want to hold her,

but she is out of my reach,

so she just stands there and cries.

She is the one it happened to.

She is the one who was shamed.

She is the one who stayed silent,

and let this go on day after day.

One day I will hold her

and love her with all of my heart,

but for now she will stay

in the corners of my mind,

and only be seen

when I close my eyes.

i think i just need to rest a while.

i think, i think i just need to sit back and relax.

all this shit is going on, and is there anything to be done

by me.

one step begins a journey

but i feel like i'm walking in circles

the hamster on the wheel knows how i feel.

and my head is hurting

whirling

from the constantness

of it all.

catch me if i fall.

LITTLE GIRL

        I see these kids

         Playing outside in the snow.

         When I notice this little

         Girl. She looks the same

         As all the other kids.

         But she has a more free

         Sense to her. She is lying

         In the snow making snow

         Angels. Looking up in the

         Sky. She looks like she

         Lost something up there.

         Then she stands up and

         Just starts to twirl.

         While she is trying to

         Catch snowflakes in

         Her mouth. She goes to run

         To her mom and falls. She

         Does not cry. She gets

         Right back up with a

         Big smile on her face.

         Then I think to myself . . . . . .

         I remember when I was

         Free and happy like her.

Alone in the dark.

I am trying to mend together the pieces of my broken heart.

It's not fair that my world seems to be falling apart.

I never try to be something I'm not.

I will always remember the lessons in life that I am taught.

 The tears are shining in my eyes.

You know now that I saw the moment of truth in your lies.

My smile has oddly enough turned into a frown.

Now that you're gone my world feels as if it was turned up side down.

I am never going to be able to change.

No matter how hard I try I will always stay the same.

No matter what you say my smile will never be real.

No matter how much I want to I can never express the way I feel.

  By Sasha Pierce

TRINITY

Stephanie Marie Lynn

Fear, Anger, Depression.

For the moment we should feel one of the above.

Security, Tranquility, Hope.

These are the feelings we desire the most.

Mobility, Anxiety, Dismay.

Dealing with these has not proven to be easy.

Composure, Compassion, Conviction.

Conquering ourselves requires all three characteristics.

Three Holy Spirits, Three nails,

Three tools to conquer (Actions, Mind, and Soul).

Life’s trinities are all around us.

Salvation, Faith, Love.

All are gifts from the greatest trinity of all.

                          

Nows!
are the way to hang pictures;

underscore,

darken - tone

ocean   plays  

onwardly       ( w a s h )

visualize minor keys,

polished from use:

undisturbed,

r e s t I n g ,

WILT.Little crumbs frustrate even the loudest moments.

 

NOT SURPRISED

Why am I not surprised

to wake each day

still dark, unrisen

sun, unheard birds

chattering encouragement

as I struggle to get a

grip

slip

trip over the

light of darkness

There is no longer

honor among thieves

they still hide aces

under their sleeves

where it doesn't show

through their

cotton polyester

I guessed her age

and weight...

WAIT A MINUTE!

isn't that

wasn't that

a no-no at one time

has changed all that

with weight watchers

and lipo

I'm not surprised

in the least

kids divorcing

suing

killing siblings over a

video game...what a shame

kidnapped one day

around the way the

same day

(and little sister couldn't say...)

hey...that was smart

I'm not surprised

lied to by an enemy

stalling...scrawling

names in the sand

same storm...same desert

same crude dude in power

hey, what brand of glue

are you sniffin', pal

send in the troops

let 'em do their job

lob a few, let him stew

in the juices of his

cruelty to a nation: theirs

dying in pairs

in triplicate

COPY THAT...?

no?
     

Hear Your Voice
Cassie

It could happen any minute, any moment of the day.

God could say that it's your time and take your soul away.

You might not be ready; neither are your friends.

But it doesn't matter; this is the end.

As you look down from Heaven on friends and loved ones below,

You realize you weren't ready, you didn't want to go.

But it's too late now; you already made your choice.

And now they cry because they can't hear your voice.

You watch as your friends place a rose on your grave.

You notice that they're trying to be brave,

But their tears fall silently and so do yours.

As they lower you into the ground below

You hear a voice scream no

And realize it's yours as you start to sob and shake. . . .

It could happen any minute any moment of the day.

God could say that it's your time and take your soul away.,

But when you interfere, you make that deadly choice,

You leave behind those who wish

They could hear you voice. . . .

~&~

Michael Misner

~&~

 
  - Sandra Mejia -
      Matt Jones
     

~&~

 

My tears fall, every night.

Because of my stupid fright.

A fright of sadness and just

plain life.

Sometimes I feel like I have

been cut real deep with a knife.

I pray for this feeling to go

away, but yet its still here to

this very day.

Cuts

In many shapes I open my skin

when something is bad, Not wrong

No such thing as right or wrong

only bad and good

That's still not for sure though

Right and wrong is always different

with everybody

Bad and good is something everyone knows

Sometimes we don't care

We are the "bad" ones

I don't care

I'm whatever I am in your mind

and I'm whatever I am in my mind

I can't say what I am because you can never totally define a person

You can only see glimpse's from scars

Usually one person only sees their own scars

No one can see my open skin

I hide it with sleeves and pants

If everyone was naked we'd know each other all to well

Self conscious people wouldn't be stuck up

because their wouldn't be such thing

as self consciousness

Everyone shows themselves

by covering their skin

Perfect people have perfect skin

So i say

if you want someone to see you

on the inside

roll up your sleeves

put on your skirt

grab a blade

and slice your life

Thanks boys

your horrible

I love you

but who are you

I don't even know you

You're already a scar

you've made your mark

isn't that enough?

You have two marks

Your name in my flesh

your face in my memory

Go away

never come back

stay out of my mind

I need you so much

stay with me always

Never leave me

Shut up

I hate you

Tell me everything

I love you

My new bleeding tattoo

The blood that was once flowing inside of me is now a mere stain in my carpet.

The strongness that was once inside of me has been turned inside out.

The knife that was once for slicing meat is now stuck in my throat where it belongs.

The carpet that was once white as snow has now been stained by my misfortune.

The skin that was once so pure and so harmless has scars and marks that will never serve any purpose to my heinous life.

The police that once sat at the corner looking for harmless crooks and vandals are now knocking at my door asking what happened and why blood is seeping out of my door.

You open my door and see my lifeless body that was once full of life or so you thought

You scream and shout and asked  “why”

And now you're finally ready to talk.

But its to late.

i'm no longer alive to talk.

The blood that seeps through this door that you found was not only my love blood but it was the blood that was dieing to get out of me since I could remember.

The blood that was once in a never-ending cycle through my body has now left , like I have left the cycle of life.

White vs. Black, but little did he know that, Black embodied, encompassed, embraced his race: Yinned his Yang the same way Women do Men, and Life does Dead.  Without eyes we can't see, without ears we can't hear, without tongues we can't speak, without minds we can't think, without days there's no week, without you there's no me.  Robbed identity-incomplete.

As he marches through time, unaware that his feet be just as dirty as the rim of the toilet seat he pissed on first thing in the morning, after a wet dream.  His lust got him bursting at the seams; so he kills Woman first, the blacks of course, the Jews, the Natives and Japanese.  Segregation in place, he turned on his race; subjecting the gays in half-assed ways; closet cases, white priests go free despite child rape. 

He's got a flare for making things just go away, turning the page, covering up, switching the blame.  Turning Art and expression from beauty to Rage: Against the Machine?  No way-that's something Clear Channel suggest not be played, but too late; despite the control of 90% of the airwaves, the notorious message has been relayed.  Afraid the music will change what's already in place?

Open minds, little seeds of the Aryan race-KKK was the way, still is today.  Manifesting itself in more subtle ways.  The ones who are dead rot, stink in their graves.  Their fear of the inferior validated as we, keep getting closer to what they said we'd be: United racially, indiscriminately procreating, blissfully ignorant to color or creed, now aware we've been played like a guitar string.   

Lindsay Falk

 HIM

He was taking over me like an evil spirit.I can't turn corner thinking hes there.

He as done things in the past which no one adours.He is a n evil spirit trying to take over me.

Every one except his parents give him the cold shoulder.He is an evil spirit trying to take over me.

The man I'm Talking about is dear old dad.He is an evil trying to take over me.

He is gone when I eas a baby and he is still gone today.He is an evil spirit trying to take over me.

He is gone,gone,gone.he is an evil spirit trying to take over me.

SHORT STAY

I go as weak

A human being

Through this life

Make my way

View our World

Day after day

Like those before

Their short stay

Yesterday behind

Now left to bind

In histories pages

Others evaluate

Did my contribution

Make a change

Did I give my shoulder?

Smile with the brave

You left us suddenly

Your picture sets in my frame. Your puzzles, jewelry, and telephone are tucked away in my closet. I’ve also got a box of pictures of you in there too. I kept those crayons I used to draw with at your house, and I’m taking good care of your dog.

But you continue to drift farther from me

The scent of cigarette smoke that soaked into your belongings becomes fainter by the day. Your jewelry remains unworn and your puzzles unworked. I haven’t looked through your old photos in months.

We have not completely forgotten you, but we are beginning to.

Expectation

by Bill Albright

From those buried in the ground

You will hear silence profound

Lying Sheltered from the world of things,

Expect much in this world of beings.

Trust yourself more than those who pass by

For you see not their heart, only the eye,

Which views a world full of nothings,

Expect much in this world of beings.

life's sum is much more than each part

Live it as your masterpiece of art,

The single permanence is exiting,

Expect much in this world of beings.

REASON, 

By Sandi Schraut

Such smooth deception, so rich in tricks

the voice of reason twisted tight

“I love you honey”, but does he?

“yeah right!

Reasons deep he cannot explain

hurting love with such disdain

turning the knife with such a grin

at opportunities he finds each day

to be the one who knows the way

to direct my path and save my ass.

“Well honey, guess what? I’m learning fast.”

“Love tools that hurt, can go both ways,

I have the means to cut you too

but I for one don’t plan to stay!”

So out the door I turn to go,

and join the stream of life's rich flow

find my own path, not your goals

“Goodbye to sorry, goodbye to sadness

hello wings of freedoms gladness”

God will hold my hand one day...

God will hold my hand one day.

And keep me safe and sound I pray.

Take away the pain inside.

Walk beside me, be my guide.

Carry me in times of need,

Brush away the things I heed.

Cleanse my soul from all mistakes,

Expose the ruthless retched fakes.

He’ll come to me and show the light.

Take away the endless night.

Dry my tears and lift my heart.

Help me forget, and then restart.

Heal my wounds and forgive my sins.

Turn the frowns around to grins.

Offer a shoulder and a helping hand.

Begin the route of what He planned.

He’ll tell me it’s ok to cry.

Begin again, and knot the tie.

The tie that binds my Savior and I.

 

You Wish:

The goblins aren't in our world today, but don't let these words portray the day

For think of the worlds away a far, just look in  the sky for a wondering star

It may be the life you wanting to live, but in the end what would you give

For the things that you want you cannot see, do you fall on your knee and beg and plea

For the answers to things you want to know, what is that thing and why does it glow

My dear in the end soon what you will see, is the life that you want cannot possibly be

You can give up your thoughts, hopes and dreams, but all this will do is cause me to screams

For what you let out, without a doubt

Will cause me to worry, and get in furry

So keep all your dreams, and plan some more schemes

For all that you need, is a little of creed

"LOOKING FOR THAT BETTER DAY"

Kyle McElvany

Looking for a better day,

Give it time they say, I try but it stays,

Enjoying the good times when I can,

With all of this, its tough to keep my head up and be a man,

She's not here anymore,

But my friends picked me up when I was knocking on suicide's door,

Thank God for them,

I don't even know what to say,

Still looking for that better day

" TWO HEARTS"
angela hernandez 

            This world is too big for two hearts to be apart or even a little ways away.

             They have to be together or one of them may stray someday.

             It could be soon or maybe later.

              don't hold too tight, just sit and wait, the future will tell our fate.

             If we'll make it or take our hearts another way.

             Hearts like ours are easy to break, don't give up til fate has it's say.

             Maybe someday one of our hearts could be shattered like a stain glass window.

             Broken into pieces on a dirty floor, to be put back together to only be broken all over again.

I'M NOT YOU
Crystal Hickey

I stood there and searched ...As long as could bear

That’s when it hit me...I was never aware

I stood there still...And gazed at my face

All that I felt...Was only disgrace

I saw her hair...And I saw her eyes

I lived her life... And I knew her lies

I saw her in me...I just wanted out

That’s when it happened...Without any doubt.

My cheeks felt warm...I could feel the pain

I was afraid to look...It felt like rain

I opened my eyes...And what did I see?

The curse had been broken...I was now free

Free from the ghost...That haunted my face

As for the scars...I cannot erase

Memories fade...Scars do to.

I am now beautiful...And nothing like you

DEAD SCREAMING SILENT

Billy Jno Hope

Undead

Decayed

Shrieking

Silent

Imagine the horror

A corpse condemned

To lick its stench

Immortal dreadful agony

Of mortal flesh

Eternally feeding death

Denied even of death

Accursed

The horror

Of screaming

Silent

                     ~&~