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SEA SHELL GAME # 24
Judge: Jane on December 2, 1999


ROUND ONE

1

Still water -
After the bubble pops,
Ripples


2

Late September
cows graze on Queen Anne's Lace
across the fence

Ku #2 goes ahead because its second phrase is not broken into two parts.

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3

blatant gust of wind
strong trees bend and snap in two
weak grass bends - then straightens


4

the dewdrop quivers
and gently drops from the leaf
the river flows free

Ku #4 goes ahead because it is (barely) a smaller view with less visible philosophy.

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5

Howlies and Haiku
Pretentious combination
A gringo's salsa


6

A bowl of blue plums
The valley full of wood smoke
October dawning

Ku #6 goes ahead because when I saw that I had copied in #5 I was sorry I had let it into the contest. It does not belong.

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7

sizzling by the sea
each on their garish beach towel
withered ladies sleep


8

A malicious smile
radiates down from the sun
painting skin bright red.

Ku #7 goes ahead because the 'malicious smile on the sun' is just too unhaiku.

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9

Goldenrod sprays wash
across September meadow,
fade beside the path.


10

Sweat berries in red fingers
drowning love pictures on a stone
and a turtle in the grass

Ku #9 goes ahead because I cannot figure out exactly what is happening in #10. It looks like a haiku but the meaning escapes me.

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11

august afternoon
in the woods a mossy stone
is a squirrel's throne


12

blackberry bushes
blooming morning-glory vines
strife on picket fence

Ku #12 goes ahead because of the rhymes in #11 (which I admit sounds like a Japanese haiku sounds with the repeating sounds). However, in English write as the English . . .

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13

Blue sea blows
magic filters through the air
Blessed by a god


14

my love fell so hard
rained like steel coated diamonds
why were you clouded

Ku #13 goes ahead because #14 has an extra line break. Sorry, I liked the inner connection within the poem. Very close.

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15

While in our forest
the tree branches were twisted;
my tongue was as well.


16

the lead drops upon the page
pencil still in hand
sweat rolls down her face

Ku # 15 goes ahead because #16 stayed too close to the author and the observation of the one writing the poem.

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ROUND TWO

2

Late September
cows graze on Queen Anne's Lace
across the fence


4

the dewdrop quivers

and gently drops from the leaf
the river flows free


Ku #4 goes ahead because it feels as if it has a deeper meaning. # 2 is simply a nice scene well-portrayed in words.

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6

A bowl of blue plums
The valley full of wood smoke
October dawning


7

sizzling by the sea
each on their garish beach towel
withered ladies sleep


Ku # 6 goes ahead because of the unusual coordination of colors, smells and season. Both poems have too many line-breaks so that fault is even.

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9

Goldenrod sprays wash
across September meadow,
fade beside the path.


12

blackberry bushes
blooming morning-glory vines
strife on picket fence

Ku # 9 goes ahead though both poems are excellent and could be published anywhere.

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13

Blue sea blows
magic filters through the air
Blessed by a god


15

While in our forest
the tree branches were twisted;
my tongue was as well.


Ku #15 goes ahead because of its twisted wordplay.

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ROUND THREE

4

the dewdrop quivers

and gently drops from the leaf
the river flows free


6

A bowl of blue plums
The valley full of wood smoke
October dawning


Ku #4 goes ahead. Though #6 is marvelous, the extra line break hurts.

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9

Goldenrod sprays wash
across September meadow,
fade beside the path.


15

While in our forest
the tree branches were twisted;
my tongue was as well.

Ku # 9 goes ahead. I loved the combination in #15 but "sprays wash" is even better.

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ROUND FOUR - Winners' Circle

4

the dewdrop quivers
and gently drops from the leaf
the river flows free

- Richard Francis


9

Goldenrod sprays wash
across September meadow,
fade beside the path.

- M.O.

Two very damp good haiku. Let us call it a draw. Congratulations to Richard Francis and to M.O. for excellent work. Thanks to everyone who entered the contest. blessed be!

Poems Copyright © Designated Authors 1999.
Page Copyright © AHA Poetry.com 1999.

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