back

THE SEA SHELL GAME #10
Judge Jane Reichhold
May 24, 1998


(Note, I am getting very behind in getting these contests judged, so I am trying a new method - just judging and not making all those educational comments. So here we go with a 'quickie', sudden death judging!)


ROUND ONE

1.

A red sun,
Dipping into the sea,
Fading color.



2.

silver tears falling
dancing over ocean tides
bright moon slowly weeps


Haiku #1 wins.


---------------------------------------

3.

on spring becoming
floating summer butterfly
recall my cocoon



4.

A diving dolphin
Playing games along the reef
Caressing the waves


Haiku #4 wins

---------------------------------------


5.

Unquestioning tree.
Accepts the contrary moon's
elusive mystery.



6.

such a beautiful lady
like the heart of spring
brings blossoms of joy


Haiku #6 wins by frog hair.

----------------------------------------------

7.

ripe pear in my mouth
grains fall out of one true form
now a tent of tongue.


8.

tender pink petals
swept towards the blue-green sea
crushed in winter breeze


Haiku #7 wins because I cannot imagine tender pink petals in a winter breeze unless the hothouse blew over.

-----------------------------------------------

9.

the sun is hot
I sun bathe in the grass
I like to be tan



10.

THE BLOOD RUSHES THRU,

AS THE GUILTINESS SINKS IN,
OF RAPE OF BEAUTY.


Haiku #9 wins I can understand so clearly the concrete images and move into the author's experience.

---------------------------------------------

11.

the ocean is cold
while the sun is out
the fish still swim



12.

rainbow of colors
sunlight on a mountain stream
my line caught in tree


Haiku #12 wins but I have the feeling I have read it somewhere; or one similar.

-----------------------------------------------

13.

Sun Rising High
Children Waking , Laughing, Being Human
Golden Stars



14.


Snow in high meadow,
winter lingering in spring
melting in the sun.


Haiku #14 wins as it is an example of classical haiku motif, methods and techniques.

------------------------------------

15.

blow-out grass
beginning to reclaim
the road cuts


16.

A cloud of cirrus
galloping across the sky,
herald of change.


A close race, but I will pick haiku #15 as winner.

---------------------------------

ROUND TWO

1.

A red sun,
Dipping into the sea,
Fading color.


4.

A diving dolphin
Playing games along the reef
Caressing the waves


Haiku #1 wins because it has one less verb.

----------------------------------------

6.

such a beautiful lady
like the heart of spring
brings blossoms of joy


7.

ripe pear in my mouth
grains fall out of one true form
now a tent of tongue.


Haiku #7 wins because I love "a tent of tongue"

-----------------------------------------

9.

the sun is hot
I sun bathe in the grass
I like to be tan


12.

rainbow of colors
sunlight on a mountain stream
my line caught in tree


Haiku #12 wins because the many personal pronouns in #9. Sort of a haiku no-no.

-------------------------------------------


14.

Snow in high meadow,
winter lingering in spring
melting in the sun.


15.

blow-out grass
beginning to reclaim
the road cuts


Haiku #14 wins because I like the ambiguity of whether snow or winter is melting in the sun. Classy haiku technique.

----------------------------------

ROUND THREE


1.

A red sun,
Dipping into the sea,
Fading color.


7.

ripe pear in my mouth
grains fall out of one true form
now a tent of tongue.


After much lip-biting, I will pick #1 as being a better haiku, but maybe not a better poem.

----------------------------------


12.

rainbow of colors
sunlight on a mountain stream
my line caught in tree


14

Snow in high meadow,
winter lingering in spring
melting in the sun.


Here, I would pick #14 as I believe it is easier to understand and 'get into the picture'. I think one would 'have to be there' to understand #12.


THE WINNERS' CIRCLE


1.

A red sun,
Dipping into the sea,
Fading color.


14

Snow in high meadow,
winter lingering in spring
melting in the sun.


This is very close. With everything being even, I would not take #1 because of the capitalized words beginning each line, which is a custom in regular poetry but not in haiku. Caps and punctuation in #14 are tolerated as here, but #1 goes too far.


THE WINNER IS:

14

Snow in high meadow,
winter lingering in spring
melting in the sun.

Joyce Clark

Congratulations to Joyce!

And thanks to everyone who sent their poems! This method is so much easier! And even fun. Go for more?


Return to The Sea Shell Game Homepage.

back